speaking of dead...

i remember posting something last May asking where my post-workshop depression was. i originally had the confidence that i could write a short story just like that, as if nothing happened to me, as if my focus in my writing was strong enough to withstand the scrutiny of the panelists and co-fellows.

in my attempt now to write a horror story, i feel lost. for the first time, i don't feel proud after writing the first few paragraphs. i critique it. too cliche, too emo, too un-erotic (yes, i'm writing one scene with it in remembrance of sasha,hehe parang patay--knocking three times), too ugh.

i'm not contended. it's not me. it's taking me longer than usual, and my mind can't go on a particular train of thought. speaking of dead, coz i'm gonna be writing about spirits, my brain's dead as well. i'm getting scared of the friday deadline.

all i have are some 500 words that i don't even want anybody to read.