why we love who we love

Mara recently posted a note on Facebook entitled "Soulmates." It was about a Greek belief that men and women were perfect because they were considered as one, and it reminds me of that easily forgotten movie of Will Smith where he played the bad superhero. In that movie, if one half of a superhuman couple died, the other would also die because they were created to exist together, in one lifetime. Or some such thing.

My comment to her post was, "The concept of finding someone 'perfect' for you is daunting. What if you don't? You'll settle for someone who isn't? Ada, gapalisod ra tang tanan. Go nalang sa delicious non-soulmates.:) Walay pressure, sadya pa ang life.

"Hehe, bitaw, naa man diay ko uyab. I don't believe in soulmates per se. In one of Murakami's short stories, he wrote na we have a maximum of three great loves in our lives. I like that thought.:) You just find someone who fits you well and who makes you happy. Present tense. No long visions of happy futures kay mabogs na mo ana.:)"

Mara replied, "I like the no expectations thing. I get the wisdom of living in the 'now.' But i kind of tried it but it still didn't work... hehe. So I'm back to believing Richard Bach and his book with the gay title, remember? And what he wrote: such is the wisdom of the universe, that in every charmed pair, one will always supply what the other might lack...

"Thus, my understanding is that there's no one perfect for you... but there is that someone who is perfectly imperfect for you...."

What a beautiful thought. Amen to that!:)

I used to be the hopeless romantic before. Blame it on darned Disney movies and that dreaded "happily ever after" storyline. It lulls girls into thinking it exists. Few people might call me jaded, but I prefer to think of it as realistic and practical.

One person for each one of us? I'd be scared shitless if ever I thought that with every boyfriend/fling/flirtation/etc I've had. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. Therefore, we are bound to screw up our love lives. And we only get one or two shots with one person? Come on. No wonder it's so damn hard to fall in love, matud pa ni Alex Hitch.

So the only solution, at least for me, was to make it easy for myself to fall in love. It was simple once I put my mind to it.

This is my love story. This part is quite private and I'll probably delete it after a few days lest my uber strict dad suddenly have the urge to google my name.

I met this guy through a common friend. He started texting me, but at that time, I wasn't interested. A frisbee player? Isn't that the thing with dogs? And what's with the hair. And the texts every week or so. I barely replied back then.

When I worked on my last year at Weekly, he'd visit the office and bring me food when I hadn't eaten dinner yet, or text out of the blue, saying, "I don't care if you don't reply to me. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you." We'd have absolutely great conversations during the sporadic times when we'd meet face to face.

This went on for a little over a year, mind you. He had a girlfriend for a couple of months, but he broke it off, and continued to pursue me.

Here are the four things that changed my mind about him:
1. A close friend telling me pinapaasa ko lang palagi ang guys, and that she wouldn't want me near her male friends if only I'd do that to any one of them.
2. I went to his birthday party where I got to meet his wonderful family and numerous ,boisterous friends. If you weren't a nice guy, you wouldn't have that many friends.
3. My Weekly year was ending, and I had time at last. It was also my last semester. I was thinking, if it didn't work out, I was leaving anyway.
4. I went on a horrible date filled with awkward silences, which made me appreciate him and how easy it was to talk to him. And that basically sealed the deal.

When we became "official", I wasn't that in love with him, to be honest. That Eureka Love! moment came twenty days later. He was standing on a seawall fronting Hayahay, and we were surrounded by his friends. It was a windy night, saturated with that catchy "Don't Matter" song. And he was singing it to me, and dancing on that sea wall for all to see. He hugged me after that, and I hugged him back, and that was the only time I said to myself, "whoa, this guy is mine."

We're now on our second year together. Half of it is long distance, sure, but it works for both of us. It allows us to grow as individuals, and still have someone to share our stories with. It feels great to do my own thing, and learn about his passions as well (yes, I know how to throw a frisbee na).

Which brings me back to the perfect soulmate concept. I don't think he's my soulmate, he's just someone I love. If we break up in the future, I would probably end up fine. If we do end up together, then it'll happen. Our motto is one day at a time, and my emotional state has been at peace ever since because of that.

If you asked me three years ago if I would end up with a former addict, chain smoker, frisbee-player, AMA-IT senior, I would have laughed out loud. But labels do not matter when you love someone, and you look past things like these and notice the other person's maturity, dynamism, passion, and enthusiasm for life.

We love who we love not because we think they're our soulmates. No, I don't think I would want to be labeled as such.

We love who we love because at the back of our heads, we realize that they elevate our day-to-day happiness to never-before experienced highs. That's why I love love. That magnified mega-watt smile even when you're alone, and that all too real feeling of being alive and human and loved.


*Random thoughts while procrastinating.