on not making sense

I am sitting atop an incredibly high chair at Scooby's, and I don't like it. I almost swiped my seatmate's chair, but I got caught. I guess I just got to thinking ever since my news editing class this afternoon. I felt a bit stupid.

Having grown up in such a closeted family environment has stunted my growth in such a way that I do not know or care about serious matters. I read books that interest me because they serve as an escape to my reality. I do not think out of the box, nor do I question authority. I am scared of it, in fact, largely because I had an incredibly strict dad, and because I am insecure.

Ma'am was right when she said that lack of information makes people insecure. I need information. Badly.

This afternoon was a pretty interactive class, and I liked it. One of these days, I will talk about what I think. But for now, I'm holding back even if I have something to say. Things I learned about working for the school paper is that I have to look at the bigger picture.

Grace Sondang, an Indonesian classmate, raised the issue of nationalistic Filipinos, or the lack thereof. I wanted to respond that while the statistics of people leaving the country are staggering and disheartening, it does not include the number of people who go home after they have saved up enough money. Because, really that is what motivates them. If you raise the issue of immigration, the government counters with a practical view on life. They say, "Can we blame them? The pay is bigger abroad." But we should not just accept this.

The problem it causes is that it creates low morale for the Filipinos who live in the Philippines. However, instead of the government drumming up more opportunities for work abroad, why not focus on making the Philippines more opportune when it comes to providing jobs for everyone? I told RJ Malayang that we needed nationalistic laws, aside from his list of our need for an effective, transparent, responsive, appreciative of Filipino culture kind of government. We need a nationalistic one.

The question I raised was about why voters do not trust the leaders they voted for. I agree that the premise of the question was wrong, but I should have explained more. I should have asked why do leaders already given public trust continue to break it? It seems very abstract and the answer I was hoping for was ideal. But upon listening to intellectual people discuss absolutely idealistic principles as if it will actually happen can rub off on me.

I used to be practical. I accepted status quo because I told myself, and anyone who will listen, that we can't do anything about it. Well, I want to give this ideal thing a try. At least, I will feel like I'll be actually using my brain cells.

Now, I need information to back up everything I say.

But you know what? What I really wanted to ask the Filipinos is what do they want to happen ba talaga? Do they think that goal will be achieved with what they are currently doing?

It's a matter of selfishness and self-sacrifice. In the Philippines, the two are yards apart. You are either a snake/pig/jerk or a martyr. I don't know which one I am now.